


Total Trust

by knitekat



Category: Primeval
Genre: Anal Fisting, Banter, First Time, Insecurity, M/M, Trust, kink bingo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-08
Updated: 2014-08-08
Packaged: 2018-02-12 07:59:53
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,006
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2101779
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/knitekat/pseuds/knitekat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Connor wants Lester to fist him... but finds Lester, unwilling to risk hurting him, demands to be fisted first.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Total Trust

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks go to Fredbassett for the beta.

Connor was lying sprawled out in bed, happy and sated, but he couldn't stop his thoughts wandering in a certain direction. 

He loved the feeling of James' cock filling him; he shouldn't want more, should he? 

A soft sigh sounded beside him and a somewhat sleepy voice mumbled, “Con, you're thinking too loudly.”

“Sorry.” And Connor really was sorry he'd disturbed James' post-coital doze, but that didn't stop his thoughts returning to the same question. 

James smiled and opened his eyes. “Don't apologise, just tell me what you're thinking about so intently.”

“Um.” Could he really tell James? Would his lover react with distaste or even horror at the suggestion. Would he think less of Connor for wanting it? 

James propped himself up on the pillows and caressed Connor's cheek. “Con? You can tell me anything.”

Connor swallowed and nodded, although he refused to meet James' eyes. “I... um, that is...”

“Connor, spit it out.” 

“Fist me,” Connor managed to say, encouraged to risk James' response by the fondness in his voice.

James blinked several times before he managed, “What?”

“Um, your fist in my arse, fucking me.”

“I know what it is, Connor.” James paused, considering Connor closely before he added, “You really want me to do that to you?”

Connor nodded before gathering all his courage and directing his best puppy-dog-eyes at James. “Please.”

James closed his eyes for a moment before he nodded. “Fine.” 

Connor gaped at his lover for a moment in surprise that his lover had agreed before he beamed widely at him as he imagined how good it would feel to have James fist him. 

James raised a hand and added, “On one condition, Connor.” 

“Anything.”

A raised eyebrow met Connor's announcement. “You haven't heard what it is.”

“I'll do anything you want.”

“Really?” James's eyebrow gave a suggestive waggle. “I'll have to keep that in mind.” 

Connor nodded eagerly. “Whatever you want.” He paused for a moment, before asking hesitantly, “Um, James? What do you want me to do?”

James chuckled. “Now he thinks to ask me.” He leaned forward and kissed Connor, his lips moving softly on Connor's before he pulled back and looked deep into Connor's eyes. “It is quite simple; if you want me to fist you, I want you to fist me first.”

Connor was sure his jaw had dropped open with shock and he just stared at James. James wanted him to fist him? It was so bloody intimate and oh god, Connor was just so aroused even thinking about it. 

“Close your mouth, Con, you're drooling on the sheets.”

James' amused voice snapped Connor from his daydreams and he looked into his lover's amused and slightly worried eyes. It reminded Connor that James was as natural a top as he'd ever meet... OK, apart from the very few times he'd let Connor top him and, oh god, they had felt so good. Connor almost shook his head to scatter those memories, lovely as they but irrelevant to the situation. Connor had always know James would never hurt him, but to, well demand to be fisted first just to see if it would hurt Connor. It filled Connor's heart with love and the words 'I love you' almost burst from his lips before he reconsidered them. What if James didn't feel that way, what if this was only about sex? But then, why else would James want him to fist him? 

“Con?” 

Connor's thoughts and worries skidded to a halt and he turned his full attention back to James. “Yes?” He had the feeling he should have answered a question, but for the life of him, Connor couldn't recall what it was. 

James just smiled at him and shook his head fondly before turning serious. “If, and I do mean if, I find it... er, if I like you doing that to me, I will consider fisting you. Is that acceptable?”

Connor was nodding before James had finished asking the question. He blinked as the meaning of James' words hit him and he stared at his lover, filling his cock twitch at the thought. “Now?”

James snorted and shook his head. “The recovery of youth.”

Connor grinned. “You'll be surprised.”

One eyebrow rose as James just looked at him before sighing. “Fine. What do I need to do?”

Connor almost gaped at James before he shook off his surprise at his lover's quick agreement. “Um. Er... an enema might be a good idea?”

James pulled him in for a kiss. “Please tell me you've done this before.” 

“Of course.” Connor just hoped he sounded sure of himself, and he was reasonably sure he knew what to do, after all, he'd been fisted in the past. Connor's thoughts derailed when James clambered out of their bed and walked naked into their bathroom. The thought of James preparing himself for him had Connor's cock twitch and fill. His mind full of images of what James was doing, Connor dropped his hand down to his cock and stroked himself. 

“Much as that is a lovely sight, Con.” Connor jumped at James' voice and looked up guiltily. “Where do you want me?”

“Um.” Connor mind went blank and from the smug smile on James' face, he knew his lover knew what he'd been thinking. Although, was it any wonder when... oh,yes. Answer the question, Con, where did he want James? “Er. On your hands and knees will be easiest. The first time.”

James' eyebrow quirked. “You're assuming there will be a second?”

Connor shrugged. “If you like it...”

“Brat.” 

As James walked towards their bed shaking out a towel, Connor suddenly realised he'd forgotten to make his own preparations. “I'll be back in a minute, I just need to do something” At James' curious look, Connor added, “I need to prep too.” He gave James a helpless shrug when the man rolled his eyes at him. “Sorry, the thought was just so...” 

“Good to know I'm mind-blowing.” James' grin was smug before he turned back to position the towel to his satisfaction. 

Connor grinned back as he almost ran into the bathroom.

***

Connor looked around and tried to remember what he needed to do. Nails! He needed to cut them short and make sure they were smooth, no need to rip a hole in the glove. Oh fuck, did they even have any latex gloves? Connor dropped the clippers and started to rummage through the cabinet.

A few moments later, he felt full of uncertainty and wondered if he could actually go through with it. He'd never fisted anyone before in his life. Did he even know how to do it? OK, fine, he'd been fisted, but surely being on the receiving end had to be different than actually doing it to someone else. What if he did it wrong? If James didn't like it, he'd never agree to fist Connor. Worse, he might hurt James and he... he could. He was panting now, shallow breaths that scarcely dragged enough air into his lungs and Connor knew he was almost hyperventilating in fear but he couldn't calm down. The image of James, trust evident in his eyes as he asked Connor what he wanted filled Connor's vision. The knowledge that James trusted him that much helped and slowly Connor's felt his uncertainty fade. 

He could do this. 

He would do this. 

Connor took a deep breath and continued his preparations. He fished the nail clippers out of the sink and cut his nails short before filing them smooth with an emery board he located in the cabinet, testing each against his lips for any rough edges. Finally satisfied and worried that James might have grown bored waiting for him, Connor grabbed a glove and was almost at the door when he cursed. He turned and rummaged through the cabinet before emerging victorious with two tubes of lube.

***

Connor entered the bedroom and all his breath left him as he stared at James. The sight was so intoxicating and Connor hoped he never got over the feeling at the sight of James, naked and on his hands and knees, his arse thrust skyward and looking oh so bloody good. He must have made a noise because James shot him a come hither look over his shoulder before wiggling his arse in a way that went straight to Connor's cock.

“I was beginning to wonder if I should start without you...” 

“Sorry.” Connor muttered and refused to meet James' eyes. 

“Mmm. I see.” James nodded before adding, “I'm sure you have the basics down, Con, and we'll just see how it goes, shall we?”

Connor couldn't help gaping at James. His lover knew he'd never done this before and was still willing to let his try. 

“I trust you, Con.” James turned away and wiggled his arse again. “Now, would you care to proceed before I get stuck in this position?”

Connor nodded and took a deep breath, James believed he could do this and he would. He gave his nails one last check and snapped on a glove. He smiled at the shiver of – he hoped – anticipation that ran up James' spine at the sound.

He climbed onto the bed to settle behind James and had to take a moment to calm himself before he could continue. The sight of James in that vulnerable position was almost too much for him. He leaned forward and pressed a kiss against James' shoulder. “I love you, James.” He bit his lip as he waited for James' response, he hadn't meant those words to escape, but how couldn't they at the trust James was showing him.

“I should bloody well hope so since I'm letting you do this to me.”

Connor smiled in relief, knowing that was probably the closest James would ever get to admitting how he felt about him. He took a deep breath and stroked James' hip, trying to remember what his lovers had told him. “This might be uncomfortable, James. If it becomes too much, use our safe word.”

James nodded and tried to relax, but it was obviously difficult for him to completely suppress his alpha nature and totally submit to his lover. Connor rubbed a soothing hand across James' back before smiling. He knew just how to get James to relax and getting James' aroused would help later. He eased James' cheeks open and ginned as he felt his lover jump when he licked a wet strip along his crack. Over and over again, teasing at the pucker and letting his tongue dip inside briefly until James was moaning and pushing back for more. Only then did Connor push his tongue past the tight ring of muscle and begin to fuck James, sliding his tongue in and out as he pushed as much saliva as he could inside James' willing body. 

“Please, Con.” 

Connor smiled and kissed one of James' cheeks. “Ready?”

“I...” James took a deep breath and nodded. 

“If it's too much...”

“I know.” James sounded almost irritated. “I'll use our safe word.” He paused before adding, “Why is it 'Pond Fare' or don't I want to know?”

“Pon Farr.” Connor smirked. “Probably the latter. Now, relax. I promise this will feel good.”

James snorted but stayed in that vulnerable position and it made Connor's heart almost burst with happiness at the trust his lover was showing in him. 

Connor knelt back on his heels and took his own deep breath. He knew this could feel so good and he just hoped he would get it right; doing it to someone was a hell of a lot different than being on the receiving end. He squeezed a large dollop of lube onto his fingers and spread it evenly across his hands before slowly eased James' cheeks apart once more. “Ready?”

It was only when James expelled a shaky breath and nodded that Connor began to massage his lover's pucker. It still amazed him that James allowed him to do this, none of his other lovers had ever let him touch them like this, let alone... Connor took a deep breath and forced himself to concentrate, he could always daydream later but right now he needed to pay attention to James and his responses to Connor's actions - like the shiver James gave when Connor let his finger graze just inside him and the way he pushed back for more. 

Connor licked his lips as he dribbled lube over his fingers and slowly, ever so slowly, began to slide on into James. He felt the tight ring of muscle resist the intrusion and pulled back, massaging the sphincter until it was glistening and Connor judged it to be sufficiently relaxed for another try. He held his breath as his fingertip pressed against the pucker and then slipped inside. The feel of that heat clenching around him felt so bloody good and it took all of Connor's will not to bury it deep; that and the grunt James gave at the penetration, reminding Connor that his lover didn't do this often and he'd have to go very slow if he wanted any chance of getting his hand inside. 

With that thought in mind, Connor spent some considerable time just moving his finger in and out of James, wiggling it and crooking it just right to graze James' prostate. He knew he'd succeeded from the low moan James' uttered and the way he rocked back for more. 

“Feels good, doesn't it, James?” Connor kept his tone light and encouraging as he wondered if James was ready for a second finger. Connor shook his head at his own nervousness, James had taken two – even three – before and should be fine with it. At least if Connor took his time and he would, even if he exploded from need, which was bloody likely from the way James felt around his finger and Connor moaned at the thought of how good James would feel when Connor had his whole hand deep inside him. 

“More, Con.” 

James pushed backwards and Connor knew he felt ready for a second finger. He poured more lube over his hand and lined a second finger up with James' hole, slowly easing it inside and closing his eyes at the feel of James' muscles flexing around him. It took a moment for Connor to remember what he was supposed to be doing and he carefully began to scissor his fingers. 

“Bloody hell, Con, just how much lubricant are you thinking of using?”

“You can never have too much lube.” Connor muttered as he took his time opening James up and easing even more lube inside him.

James' voice was breathless as he gasped. “You can't?” He obviously took the effort to gather his usual persona as his next comment was full of disdain. “I'm going to be dripping lubricant everywhere.”

Connor laughed. “I'll help you clean up.” He knew that James worrying about the mess they were making, even if it was on the towel, was not really helping him to relax, and Connor needed James as relaxed as possible if he was going to have any chance of this working. He pressed kisses against James' back and slid a hand around to stroke James' cock firmly, collecting the pre-come leaking freely from the tip and using it to ease his action. Connor noted the sheen of sweat covering James and the way he gave little, breathy moans of pleasure and he knew James was ready for a third finger – the most he had ever taken. Connor carefully wiggled the finger against James and breathed a sigh of relief when it pop inside and he immediately began to twist his hand, seeking James' sweet spot to distract him from the increased girth inside him. 

“Feels good, Con.” 

“Just think how good it will feel with my hand inside you.” Connor muttered almost absent-mindedly as he continued to watch James closely. Was he ready for a fourth or should he continue with three? He wasn't sure and tried to remember his own experiences; not that he recalled much beyond how bloody good it had felt, which wasn't really any help in this situation. As much as he wanted to just continue, Connor wanted – no needed – James' permission. “Can I carry on?” When James just groaned, Connor added, “James? Do you want me to stop?”

“Don't you fucking dare,” James ground out and purposely clenched hard around Connor's fingers before he began to rock back against Connor's hand, moaning when his prostate was grazed on each pass. 

Connor's cock gave a definitely twitch and he took a moment regain control of his libido; James was the one who should lose himself in the sensations. Once he felt in sufficient control, Connor poured more lube over his hand, wincing as some missed the towel to drip onto the sheets and he just knew James would moan about it later. Oh well, if he blew James' mind, maybe his lover wouldn't bitch too much over it. With that thought in mind, Connor carefully slipped his fourth finger inside James. 

It felt so bloody wonderfully tight and then James was crying out in pain and his anus was slamming shut so bone-crushingly tight around Connor's fingers that he had to blink back tears. Connor cursed, knowing he had pushed James too far, too fast and James had hit his limit. Sweat stood out on James' skin and he was panting hard in little, painful moans. As much as Connor wanted to stop the pain James was experiencing, not to mention how much it hurt to have James clench that hard around his fingers, he knew he couldn't move. He needed to wait out the contractions before he pulled free or he might injure a muscle. Connor had never meant to hurt James and all he could do was stroke his hand over James' damp skin in an attempt to help him relax and ride out the pain. “I'm so sorry, James. Just breathe. In and out. It'll be over soon. I promise.” Tears tracked down Connor's face as he listened to James' soft cries and gasps. “I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to hurt you.” 

It took several moments for the painful convulsions to die down and for James' panting to start to slow and even out. Even then, Connor waited a moment longer before he began to pull free, unwilling to cause his lover any more pain. He groaned when James flexed and clenched tightly around him again. “James?”

James' voice was strained and somewhat breathless. “Do it.” 

Connor shook his head before remembering that James couldn't see him. “No. It's too much for you to take.” Knowing how stubborn his lover could be, Connor added, “Maybe we can try later.” 

“I'll have you know Sir James Lester does not give in.” 

A small smile flickered over Connor's lips at that statement before he sobered. “Um, James.” He needed to proceed carefully, his lover hated to be beaten by anything and would take this setback personally – as his body's failure to obey his command. But everyone had a limit and James had reached his, not a surprise really considering how infrequently he bottomed. “You've hit your limit. We just need to go slower next time, that's all. Just take longer to make sure you're stretched enough before I try again.” Not that Connor had the slightest idea if James would ever want to try again. He might demand a rematch or he might decide to pretend it had never happened, and in that case, Connor knew that James would never agree to fist him. Fearing it would be as painful for Connor as it was for him, forgetting that not only had Connor been fisted before but that he was fucked by James on a daily – and usually many times more – basis. Connor shook his head, what he wanted was immaterial, what mattered was he had caused – was causing – his lover pain and James was being far too stubborn to admit it.

James shook his head. “Go back to three fingers and shove more of that bloody lubricant you're so fond of inside me. I want all of you, Con. I want to know what you like so much about having someone's fist inside you.”

Connor hesitated. He knew he should stop before he caused James any more pain. Being fisted wasn't worth it and he had no wish to explain to Ditzy or, god forbid, Jenny, why James was hurt. On the other hand, James felt so fucking good and he knew how James would react if he just stopped and ignored James' near order. Connor had no wish to be on the end of one of James' 'I-do-not-sulk' sulks and maybe, just maybe, if they went slowly enough. No, what was he thinking? He couldn't continue. “No, James. I'll hurt you.”

“Get on with it,” James growled out and flexed around Connor's fingers in encouragement. “That wasn't a request, Connor.” 

Connor still didn't move, torn between what he felt he should do and what James – and he – wanted to do. It was only when he felt James' tense under his hand that Connor acted – his lover was stubborn enough to try and fuck himself on Connor's fingers – and if he did, he would hurt himself. Far better for Connor to remain in control, watching and guiding and encouraging James and being able to stop when it got too much for him. “OK, James. I'll do it. Just relax. You're too tense to have any chance now.”

James sighed and let his head hang, still panting but seemingly in less pain, and Connor knew he hadn't really wanted to force the issue. “Please, Con.”

“OK, just let me take care of you.” Connor carefully slipped the fourth finger free as he ran a hand over James' hip. “But if it hurts, tell me. I won't hurt you, James. I love you.”

James nodded. “I know.”

“Promise you'll tell me if it hurts.” Connor insisted, he knew James wouldn't break his word. 

“And you'll stop.” 

“James, please. I can't... I won't hurt you. Don't ask me too.” Connor was almost begging, willing James to understand his feelings. 

James sighed and nodded. “I'm sorry, Connor. I wouldn't want to hurt you either.”

Connor grinned. “I'm sure that's what got us into this situation in the first place.” 

“I do remember.” James sighed softly. “Now, I assume we can continue?” 

Connor smiled at the question. “Can I take the third one out as well?” 

“After you've got it comfortable in there?” James gave a groan of frustration. “Fine, just don't take all day about it.”

“Thanks.” Connor pressed another kiss against James' sweaty skin and eased the third finger out. He froze on hearing James' moan, he had no wish to cause James any more pain. “James?”

“Feels empty.” James muttered and wiggled his arse. 

Connor chuckled, knowing exactly what James' meant. “You won't be for long.”

“The rate you're going, I'll be drawing my pension.” 

“Impatient.” Connor muttered before dripping more lube over his fingers. 

“Just remember who pays your wages.”

Connor snorted but didn't respond, at least, not with words, instead he began to rub and tease at James' prostate while stroking his flagging cock back to full hardness. Connor took his time, listening to James' moans and watching his body for cues that he was deep in pleasure before he finally slipped his third finger back inside. Connor continued stimulating James until his lover was rocking back for more. He was almost certain James would be able to accept his fourth finger without pain this time, but he still hesitated, fingering James until he was a mewing mess. Finally, Connor held his breath and eased the fingertip into James' hole, slowly pressing it inside until, with a faint pop, it slipped inside. 

He squeezed yet more lube over his fingers and slowly moved them inside James, making sure he grazed his lover's prostate on each pass. Slowly he felt James relax around his fingers and he found he could move them in and out of James was greater and greater ease. Connor had to take a moment to calm himself, the sight of his fingers disappearing inside his lover's open body so easily was mesmerizing. 

A low, needy moan shook Connor from his daze and he took a calming breath as he considered his next move. The moment of truth – when he tried to slip his whole hand inside James – was when he would need to pay even closer attention to James' reactions. Connor smiled as he remembered flying high on pain and pleasure when he'd been fisted, it had been such an intense feeling and he'd climaxed so bloody hard from it.

He shook his head to clear those memories; he needed to be thinking about what he was doing and closely watching James' reactions, not remembering how he'd felt all those years ago. He poured even more lube over his hands, smiling as he knew James would definitely be complaining about the mess later. 

Connor took a deep breath and tried to steady his nerves for the next stage, knowing that getting his knuckles inside would be the hardest bit. The part where he would stretch James to the utmost and when he was most likely to use their safe word. He wracked his memories of how to proceed and smiled as he remembered what his own lover had had Connor do when he was being fisted. “James. I'm going to need your help for the next bit, OK?” He paused, wondering if James was too far gone to answer him, and expelled a breath he hadn't realised he was holding when James gave a shaky nod. “I'm going to ease my knuckles into you and I need you to bear down on me when I do. It will make it easier to get them in, OK?” James was panting heavily as tremors ran across his body and Connor was beginning to wonder if his nod had been in response to Connor's question after all. “James, can you do that for me? You need to answer me or I'm stopping right now.” Connor prayed to any god that would listen that James would answer him, he so desperately wanted this. 

“Yes,” James breathed. “Please, more.”

Connor almost get out a whoop at James' response before remembering James would probably jump and that would end this long before either wanted it ended. “OK, bear down now.” Connor could only hope James had understood him and almost sobbed when he felt James push back against him. He kept the pressure steady as he continued to press forward, almost biting his lip through, and then James opened and Connor's knuckles slipped inside. He paused when he heard a half-moan, half-cry drop from James' lips; even though the sensation of being inside James was almost too much, he needed to know James was still OK. Connor closed his eyes briefly in relief and allowed himself to relax when James pushed back for more, but he still took a moment to observe James; his lover's pants were fast and shallow and he was still sweating freely, but he was rocking back for more and uttering almost breathless needy moans of encouragement. 

Connor took another calming breath as he folded his thumb inside his fingers, knowing his hand had formed an elongated fist that would easily slip into James. The thought that his entire hand would soon be inside James was so bloody hot Connor was almost surprised he didn't shoot his load there and then. “Almost there.” He stroked a soothing hand over James' hip in an attempt to calm them both, keeping the pressure gentle as he steady continued to press his hand deeper inside James. Connor gasped as his hand finally slipped completely inside James and he closed his eyes as he curled his fingers into a fist. It felt so bloody good having his hand buried in that sweet, tight heat and from James' panting and rocking back for more, Connor was sure James was enjoying the feeling too. 

Connor held still for a moment before gently moving his hand inside James, listening intently for James' reaction. The needy moan had Connor smiling and he took hold of James' cock, stroking it in time with his gentle thrusts. 

James bowed his head and couldn't seem to decide whether to push into Connor's hand or back onto his fist. He was gasping by now and seemed so close to orgasm that Connor increased his speed on James' cock. Even though the feel of James' heat clenching around him was almost mind-blowing, Connor managed to keep his fist pumping slowly and steadily inside James.

James suddenly cried out and came, spurting over Connor's hand and clenching around his fist. The feeling set Connor's own orgasm off and he almost collapsed at the intensity of it. Shaking his head to clear his mind, Connor remembered to uncurl his fingers until they were once more straight, and slowly eased free of James. Once out, he wiped his hand clean and carefully checked his boneless lover for damage. He smiled when he found none and pulled James against him. His lover was completely wiped out and Connor could only hope that James would now be convinced to fist him. Although, Connor smiled, he certainly wouldn't say no to a chance to fist James again. It had been so bloody amazing to watch James fall apart under his ministrations. Assuming, of course, that James had found it enjoyable... Connor shook his head, if his reactions had been anything to go by, James had loved it. 

Connor pressed a kiss against James' sweaty forehead and settled down to join his lover in slumber.

He smiled softly.

Maybe he really could convince James to fist him in the morning, after all, the sheets were already a mess.


End file.
